Friday, October 10, 2008

I am not 16 anymore.

Even though I wish I was sometimes. Or at least have the body of my 16 year old self. I have done so much to lose the weight I gained when pregnant with Ryan. I was so used to eating whatever I wanted, and thought I could continue that. Nope! Didn't work that way. I actually started to gain more weight when I met Tom. I have no idea, still to this day, I try to think of what changed. I partially blame my medications. Both the birth control pill and the anti-depressant have side effects of weight gain. So I have tried diets, exercise, not eating much, eating too much, and drinking just water. Nothing budged the scale at all. It just doesn't work for me. Tom said I could get a tummy tuck once I am done having kids, but I haven't even started planning for the second one yet.
My self esteem doesn't help much either. Whenever I am around skinny people, I am so self conscious. I hold my stomach in as much as possible. How did I go from being the smallest out of all my friends to the biggest? Its depressing when I try on clothes, I look at them on the rack and think OMG they look huge, and try them on and they are too small. I am definitely bigger than you all may thing...lets just say its in the double digits. What the hell is the antidepressant doing, if I am so depressed about my weight? Obviously not helping. I guess its just time to play up my "better" features, once I figure out what they are.


1 comment:

Katrina said...

I'm sorry you are down Leigh! I know how you feel though- I was always so tiny in school and gained a good 20 when I married Devan. I had to go buy 16s the other day just to have nonmaternity pants! DANG to be a size 8. Chin up girl, its life... and we just have to keep on :)